The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
