Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
