There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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