So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
