Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
