i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
