If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
