I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
