No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
