we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
