I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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