VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
