I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
