break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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