His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize