I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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