He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
