what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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