New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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