last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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