The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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