So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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