I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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