i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
