Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize