You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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