Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
