you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
