the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
