I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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