This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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