i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize