he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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