my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
