her vagine was all disorganized.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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