i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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