Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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