At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize