found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
