last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Be still, my beating vagina.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
