Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
