You're so nebulous sometimes
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
