There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
