GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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