I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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