Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
