omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
