dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
