Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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