last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
