shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
