I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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