You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
A bitchslap is in order.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
