A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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