Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
