the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
