My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
