i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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