69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
