Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize