I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
