hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
