9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize