Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He felt like a one man threesome
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
