I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
