No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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