Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
