I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
