I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
