i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
