So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i think my cat just said my name.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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