she woke up with a sticky ear
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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