Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
