Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
