ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
