Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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