11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
