two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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