we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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