So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
