Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize