she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
