And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need to calm my uterus...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
