In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
