State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
