I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
