there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
